When Does the Dating Game Stop?

May 5, 2008

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When we hear of the word “dating” we think to young people, single people, people who are still searching for that one person to complete them; in general, people that aren’t married! You might think, “That is not me, we have been married for how long now? Besides, what would we do on a date? I mean, that was for when I needed to get him to marry me, right?”

Wrong! In my line of work I come across so many ladies that are just bored or overwhelmed with what their lives have thrown at them. You have kids, bills, a mortgage, society telling you that you are never to put yourself before your family. Many times that means sacrificing your happiness and the stability of your marriage to do the “right” thing. There is no time to date much less think of having any couple time.

That is where dating can come into play and be a positive. Let’s go back for a bit and reconnect with what dating did for us as a person and as a couple.

Do you remember that anticipation of waiting for him so that the date could start? I do! Wondering what new adventure or movie you two were going to experience together? Maybe it was a concert to the best band in the world and you both agreed that it was the best band in the world! Or just the thought of being together was enough to get you feeling as if nothing could go wrong. Then after the main event was over, going out to eat and talking about how great it all was and when you are going to do it all over again! How complete you two made each other feel? Oh, yeah, it was fabulous!

Then you got married. Maybe you still went out but it was different. Then the kids came….forget it! It all stopped there.

Did you notice how sweet that feeling was when you thought back to your dating and how you found yourself feeling a loving warmth that you thought was gone? We all need that and it is something very important to keep marriages together in a happy medium. Not in one that is bearable, or complacent, but happy and loving.

So why not get back into it? Reignite that mutual interest in concerts, movies, or anything! Remind yourselves why you liked each other to begin with and what attracted you the most to him. Or how about getting to know the person you are married to? I bet you he is not the same person you married 13 years ago or the same one he was 5 years ago. Let him get to know you also. We are ever evolving, changing people. Show him how interesting you are!

You may still be saying to yourself, “What, me go on a date with my husband?? That is silly!” Ok, now lets talk about what dating can prevent.

Unfaithfulness. Now I am not saying that if you don’t go on a date he will cheat on you, but it can help to keep it from happening. Lots of times we need excitement or adventure to keep us close to home and when we don’t get it at home we can be tempted to look some where else. Imagine the last time you were bored out of your mind. You were willing to try anything to get out of that funk! Go on vacation to an exotic place together. Or just jump out of a plane or just go out and try that new sushi restaurant. Make new memories!

Insecurity with the kids. My girls are happy when we go out on a date. It wasn’t that way at first but then they got to see the whole picture. We were happier when we got home. It was great having dinner without having to make 3 or 4 potty trips during the meal. I was able to listen to my husband’s dreams without any interruptions and in return we both felt important. We reconnected. The girls now see how important our time is, reassuring them that we love each othe. For kids, that is a huge comfort which is reflected in their behavior, attitudes, and even in school performance.

Boring sex!! There are so many woman out there that make sure that their sexual gratification is the last thing on their list! Literally! Career, ambition, even dominance of a 3rd world country may take lead before having a satisfying sex life will. When you were dating remember how great it was? Or after you got married because it was all so new? Then it got routine, hurried, and almost a chore. But what started the feeling of sex being that great? The date! Being together, holding hands, looking into each others eyes, and having fun! It is so hard to think about sex when you have 3 crying kids and a house that needs to be cleaned along with 20 loads of laundry!

Being out on a date gives you the opportunity to leave all of that behind, even if for a couple of hours and gives you time to be with the person you love. This is also the time to leave all talk about the kids or the chores or what still has to be done behind. Talk about you guys and you guys only. Dare each other to do something you have never done, or eat that thing that you are not sure what the name of it is!

Most importantly have fun! Laugh, giggle, tell jokes and enjoy each other. So grab that phone book, pick a day of the week to have as date night and start lining up some babysitters!

At first it will seem odd and maybe a little hard. The kids may kick and scream, you will feel guilty, you may even cry but think of the end result. You may not even know what to do at first and that is ok because then it will all come back! Don’t give up, you will soon find that you look forward to it.

You have a lifetime ahead of you being married, you might as well make it a fun ride and have a blast!

About the Author: Patricia Barboza is married and a mother of 3 daughters. She is an Executive Director with Treasures of Passion and encourages all women to make time for themselves rather than always putting their needs last.

Posted by Christina | Filed Under Relationships 

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  1. Mom’s Talk News » Blog Archive » Mom’s Talk Network Updates for Monday, May 5 on May 6th, 2008 1:03 pm

    [...] Barboza of Treasures of Passion answers the question When Does the Dating Game Stop? It’s not just for single kids, you [...]

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