This was posted today by a reader – can you help her out with some advice by leaving her a comment?
Hello. I am a stay home mom who is almost at the end of her leash. I only have one 3-yr old child, but she likes to be busy all the time. I gave up a nice career to stay home with her, but I am feeling incredibly bored and depressed lately.
I am doing this for the best interest of my family, but am not sure how to keep myself intact during the process. I exercise regularly (but counteract it by eating out of boredom), have my child in lots of activities and playdates, have a couple of hobbies, and also have some relatively close friends and family… but quite frankly, they are too busy with their own lives to empathize.
I am not a “blogger” but I am honestly not sure who to talk to or what to do anymore. Any suggestions out there??!!
I am sure that I can’t be the only mom in this position?! Thanks a lot, your feedback would be much appreciated.
Blogger or not I believe that there is a wealth of interaction and involvement in “communities” online that you could partake in. You can make “online” friends who are “REAL” and you can find “communtiies” in just about any topic imaginable from child rearing to scrapbooking, from photography to cooking or anything that you have the slightest interest in.
One thing is for sure SAHMs are ALL Over the internet. You might even consider finding ways to make some extra bucks online and you can exercise the skills you may have once used to make money in your career.
I hope this helps. Oh and join Twitter. http://twitter.com You’ll never be alone. I am http://twitter.com/alyssaavant
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Just an idea — how about a part time project that you could do that could get you some interaction with adults for work, but still didn’t take you away from your family when they need you. If you don’t want an actual part time j.o.b., then how about volunteering at a charity that has a mission that speaks to you. You could offer to do something that would be sort of your ideal job. That way you could feel semi-professional satisfaction while helping do good and still being there for your family.
Also, twitter. I don’t know if you do this or not, but I’ve found twitter extremely beneficial for adult interaction while still being at home. Give yourself an hour or so every couple of days or whatever you need to feel like you are away from it all. Find other moms or other folks that share your interest and connect with them.
I wrote this over at typeamom.net for new moms, but the idea still applies to moms of all experience levels.
http://www.typeamom.net/use-twitter-to-meet-other-new-moms.html
Lastly, I also escape to a coffee shop once a week. I sometimes write, work, or just read. It feels like a mini vacation when I do.
Hang in there!
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I just want you to know that I am extending my hand out to you…..If you need a shoulder, an ear, I can be there for you… Contact via email and let me know the best way to get a hold of you.
Cindy
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I’ve been a stay at home mom since 1995 and I still go through periods like you are in now. You have to MAKE a day for yourself. If it means asking the inlaws or a friend to watch the little one you have too. You also need to find a hobby. While being at home with the kiddos is a priority, you need to make yourself and emotional wellbeing the #1 priority. Join a ladies group, book club, take a few hours and just chill at the library. Whatever it takes, give yourself some me time!
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I found that I was bored out of my skull when I was just staying at home, too. I ended up starting a business and that helped a lot.
But I think it`s important to realize that your daughter can play on her own. You aren`t responsible for making sure she has something to do every minute, that`s not even very productive. She`ll develop better thinking skills and a better imagination if she has to occupy herself sometimes. And take that time to do something for yourself.
Is there a hobby you left when you had your daughter? Is there something you have always wanted to learn? Why not start now? You don`t have to be a blogger to connect with other moms online, either. There are forums where you can hang out with likeminded moms and get advice. But most of all, make sure you do something that makes you happy . . . everyone will benefit, especially your daughter who will see that mothers take time for themselves . . . set a good example!
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I was in the same situation when my son was 3 (now he’s 5 and I work at home) and I found volunteering at my local YMCA to be a great way to meet people, keep us busy and feel like I was helping someone. Since I mostly taught little kid gym and craft classes he could come with me to them, and anytime he couldn’t he was allowed go to their drop-in care for free.
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I completly feel you pain on this one! I am a full time college student but two days a week are spent at home with my 3 yr old little boy. I have to say even those two days a week is too much for me. I spend the day eating and being depressed. schedule activites for both of you. go on walks. get out of the house. If you are filling un fufilled take a class? set a goal? give your self something outside of work and family to concentrate on.
Honey, try to stay connected in some way to your career. On nights or weekends, keep your continuing education. Work part time in some capacity in the related field. You will feel better if you leave the nest every now and then! Motherhood is wonderful, but too much of any good thing can bring you down, so keep connected to whatever it is that brings YOU joy. What hobbies, community activities, education, friendships, volunteering, secular work, etc., did you love before you were a mom? Sooner than you realize, your child will want to be separate from you, and then all of this will be especially important. When you leave the nest to engage in another activity, it is SO sweet to come home and be greeted by your family, and you actually desire to be wrapped up in them. Email me anytime, and follow me on twitter! @MsFitUniverse
Keep your chin up!
Lisa (MsFit)
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Oh my, I was there too. Mothering young children is SO HARD!!! Mind numbing at times.
My boys are now 14 and 9, and I can tell you that it does get better with time.
But in the meantime, you need some mental stimulation so you can stay in the game. I am a big advocate of work at home businesses for moms, but if you can’t do that, then find another outlet for yourself.
Also, have you considered preschool? While of course you want to be home with your daughter, preschool is a great outlet for kids that age.
When my children were little, someone gave me excellent advice that I didn’t really appreciate until just a few years ago. That is, your children need you MORE when they are older.
That means that more preschool now won’t harm her – but thinking you can have a full time job when she’s a teen is where trouble can happen.
Carve something out for yourself, beyond exercise. You’re bored. No shame in that! I get bored very easily, too. It means you are smart and ambitious
Email me for support anytime. We’ve all been there.
Anita (
As a SAHM of 4 kids, mostly “grown” now, I can relate a lot too. We hs’ed which kept me very busy, but there may just be some lessons in that.
I started around 3 with my kids playing with magnetic letters and such for some pre-reading skills. It was for fun but useful too, so that made it something I looked forward to.
We talked–A LOT!–so that gave me real company. Even at 3 or 4 yo.
And how about both of you having “Work Time” ?
“Here, what would you like to do during your work time today?
Mommy’s going to work on the computer.”
This designated time will be yours to interact online with other moms or your personal or professional interests while your daughter learns to not only entertain herself, but you’d be surprised what 3yos can teach themselves once they learn to focus. Start slow, and work into longer periods of time.
I guess just make her your companion as well as your child…that’s my suggestion.
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You have gotten some fabulous advice from the mamas above. I just wanted to send some ((((hugs)))) your way. You need to do what manes you happy because, as the saying goes, “if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy”. Kelly has been mentioning the book The Power of Full Engagement, I have downloaded it from iTunes, and have just started to listen to it, but it might really help you out (either paper or audio version). Good luck and keep us posted on your progress. ((((hugs))))
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