Comments on: Isn’t It Time to Take the “Over” out of Over-Protective Parent? http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/ Resources and information for moms. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:36:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Christina http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-71 Christina Sat, 19 Apr 2008 17:21:36 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-71 Great article Alice, but I think there's a huge difference between "over protective" and "wanting to do everything." I will never apologize for being "over protective" which to me is making sure my kids are safe. I don't hover over them like a hawk, watching their every single move outside nor do I try to insulate them from life. If they have a problem, I might help them figure out what to say but they handle the situation. "Wanting to do everything" to me, is the parent who fills out the kid's college application and accompanies him to the interview, filling his head with what they need to say. In that respect, I couldn't agree more that as parents we need to step back and let them figure out some life lessons on their own. Great article Alice, but I think there’s a huge difference between “over protective” and “wanting to do everything.”

I will never apologize for being “over protective” which to me is making sure my kids are safe. I don’t hover over them like a hawk, watching their every single move outside nor do I try to insulate them from life. If they have a problem, I might help them figure out what to say but they handle the situation.

“Wanting to do everything” to me, is the parent who fills out the kid’s college application and accompanies him to the interview, filling his head with what they need to say. In that respect, I couldn’t agree more that as parents we need to step back and let them figure out some life lessons on their own.

]]> By: Jenn http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-68 Jenn Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:48:41 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-68 It's a challenge for some to let go, but on the other hand some parents aren't there at all to watch there kids. I think that is what annoyes me most. I'm the one who is in the background, keeping an eye on my daughter - and I find that there are moms no where in sight watching there own 5 and 6 year olds. I think that is way to young to be left alone! It’s a challenge for some to let go, but on the other hand some parents aren’t there at all to watch there kids. I think that is what annoyes me most. I’m the one who is in the background, keeping an eye on my daughter – and I find that there are moms no where in sight watching there own 5 and 6 year olds. I think that is way to young to be left alone!

]]> By: Katherine Reschke http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-67 Katherine Reschke Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:32:08 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-67 I am so glad that you wrote this article. I too have looked up the crime statistics and found out that my kid is far more likely to have a heart attack than be abducted by a stranger. When we over-protect our children we give them the message that they cannot trust themselves. I teach my children to look out for red flags and what to do if they spot them. I empower them. I teach them to be independent. I believe this is the greatest gift I can give them as their mother. <em>Katherine Reschke's last blog post..<a href='http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/passionsthatpay/~3/270716473/love-and-hate-in-twitterworld' rel="nofollow">Love and Hate in Twitterworld</a></em> I am so glad that you wrote this article. I too have looked up the crime statistics and found out that my kid is far more likely to have a heart attack than be abducted by a stranger.
When we over-protect our children we give them the message that they cannot trust themselves. I teach my children to look out for red flags and what to do if they spot them. I empower them. I teach them to be independent. I believe this is the greatest gift I can give them as their mother.

Katherine Reschke’s last blog post..Love and Hate in Twitterworld

]]> By: Tiffany http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-66 Tiffany Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:30:45 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-66 Great article Alice. I was thinking about this the other day...in reference to the NY mom. When I was young I used to rollarskate outside on my own for 5 plus hours a day...even on school nights. I used to walk 5 blocks away to go to the corner store. In the summer I would ride horseback alone for 2-3 hours at a time when I was only 7-8 years old. I would hike back to the mini golf at a campgrounds behind my grandmother's large property. But I get sweaty palms just thinking about letting my kids do that same stuff. What is wrong here? I wonder what the cost of this paranoia is. What are we robbing our kids of when we hold on too tight? Is this why so many young adults can't function on their own...because they never had the chance to learn how to do so? <em>Tiffany's last blog post..<a href='http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/2008/04/15/5-ways-to-recycle-your-blue-jeans/' rel="nofollow">5 Ways to Recycle Your Blue Jeans</a></em> Great article Alice. I was thinking about this the other day…in reference to the NY mom.

When I was young I used to rollarskate outside on my own for 5 plus hours a day…even on school nights. I used to walk 5 blocks away to go to the corner store. In the summer I would ride horseback alone for 2-3 hours at a time when I was only 7-8 years old. I would hike back to the mini golf at a campgrounds behind my grandmother’s large property.

But I get sweaty palms just thinking about letting my kids do that same stuff. What is wrong here?

I wonder what the cost of this paranoia is. What are we robbing our kids of when we hold on too tight? Is this why so many young adults can’t function on their own…because they never had the chance to learn how to do so?

Tiffany’s last blog post..5 Ways to Recycle Your Blue Jeans

]]> By: Lisa Hyatt http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-65 Lisa Hyatt Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:27:31 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-65 I love Martha Beck's mantra she learned from a mothers of Down Syndrome children support group. "Don't do anything for your children that they can do for themselves." Sounds harsh, but those parents know that they may not be around as long as their children will need help. Their focus is to get them functioning with as much independence as quickly as possible. The road of learning is long. Best to get on with it. Why would we do otherwise for our any of our children? I love Martha Beck’s mantra she learned from a mothers of Down Syndrome children support group. “Don’t do anything for your children that they can do for themselves.” Sounds harsh, but those parents know that they may not be around as long as their children will need help. Their focus is to get them functioning with as much independence as quickly as possible. The road of learning is long. Best to get on with it. Why would we do otherwise for our any of our children?

]]> By: Tsoniki http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-64 Tsoniki Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:06:15 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-64 I still have that "I grew up in a small town" mentality so I'm sure my kids are allowed to do more the others in regards to being outside. I am a very independent person and I'd like my kids to be able to do things on their own too. I just was called an overprotective parent - because I was upset about my daughter and a neighbor kid going to that kids house alone - they had to cross a street, round a corner, avoid the kids dogs and let themselves in. I'm not sure how long they were there, but long enough for my DD to see the house and play wih the girls toys. Oh and they are five and six years old. Yeah, if it is overprotective for me to not let my kid go to a strangers house then overprotective I am! (I was not there at the time otherwise it would have neve happened.) <em>Tsoniki's last blog post..Crafter Cast Show #5</em> I still have that “I grew up in a small town” mentality so I’m sure my kids are allowed to do more the others in regards to being outside. I am a very independent person and I’d like my kids to be able to do things on their own too.

I just was called an overprotective parent – because I was upset about my daughter and a neighbor kid going to that kids house alone – they had to cross a street, round a corner, avoid the kids dogs and let themselves in. I’m not sure how long they were there, but long enough for my DD to see the house and play wih the girls toys. Oh and they are five and six years old. Yeah, if it is overprotective for me to not let my kid go to a strangers house then overprotective I am! (I was not there at the time otherwise it would have neve happened.)

Tsoniki’s last blog post..Crafter Cast Show #5

]]> By: The Story Ideas Virtuoso http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-63 The Story Ideas Virtuoso Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:05:09 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-63 Alice, We have a whole generation of kids in middle and high school whose parents DO fix everything for them, including dealing their "nasty" teachers who "don't like" them. It's now at the point that kids don't have to do what teachers require because Mom or Dad will cover for them or make a fuss in the office. That timely advice from years ago was spot on. If we do everything for our kids, they don't learn to do anything for themselves. We teach them to dress themselves, feed themselves, and then somewhere along the way, as they become more self-sufficient and the world seems a more frightening place for our kids out there, we control everything we can. That control is an illusion. And we do our kids a disservice by not letting them overcome difficulties. If they have it easy now, what happens when real life come calling and no one is there to fix it? Deb Gallardo <em>The Story Ideas Virtuoso's last blog post..<a href='http://www.debgallardo.com/virtuoso/199/story-ideas-online-idea-generators/' rel="nofollow">Story Ideas - Online Idea Generators</a></em> Alice,

We have a whole generation of kids in middle and high school whose parents DO fix everything for them, including dealing their “nasty” teachers who “don’t like” them. It’s now at the point that kids don’t have to do what teachers require because Mom or Dad will cover for them or make a fuss in the office. That timely advice from years ago was spot on. If we do everything for our kids, they don’t learn to do anything for themselves.

We teach them to dress themselves, feed themselves, and then somewhere along the way, as they become more self-sufficient and the world seems a more frightening place for our kids out there, we control everything we can.

That control is an illusion. And we do our kids a disservice by not letting them overcome difficulties. If they have it easy now, what happens when real life come calling and no one is there to fix it?

Deb Gallardo

The Story Ideas Virtuoso’s last blog post..Story Ideas – Online Idea Generators

]]> By: Alice Seba http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-62 Alice Seba Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:03:56 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-62 Wise advise for sure, Linda. I think if we solve everything for our kids, not only do they not learn to do things for themselves, our kids also get a distorted sense of entitlement when things don't go their way. Sometimes things don't work out...and we have to live with it. Tracy, I know what you're saying. I challenge myself each day in letting go a bit. From standing further back at the playground (kids are just 5 and 6) to letting them mess up the kitchen making peanut butter sandwiches. Wise advise for sure, Linda. I think if we solve everything for our kids, not only do they not learn to do things for themselves, our kids also get a distorted sense of entitlement when things don’t go their way. Sometimes things don’t work out…and we have to live with it.

Tracy, I know what you’re saying. I challenge myself each day in letting go a bit. From standing further back at the playground (kids are just 5 and 6) to letting them mess up the kitchen making peanut butter sandwiches.

]]> By: Tracy Roberts http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-61 Tracy Roberts Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:43:08 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-61 I agree, Alice. I am probably the most un-overprotective parent I know but that doesn't mean I don't keep a close eye out. It drives me crazy when parents constantly try to "fix" everything for their kids. They'll have a harder time learning how to deal with life if they are allowed to live it. I agree, Alice.

I am probably the most un-overprotective parent I know but that doesn’t mean I don’t keep a close eye out.

It drives me crazy when parents constantly try to “fix” everything for their kids. They’ll have a harder time learning how to deal with life if they are allowed to live it.

]]> By: Linda Hinkle http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/isn%e2%80%99t-it-time-to-take-the-%e2%80%9cover%e2%80%9d-out-of-over-protective-parent/comment-page-1/#comment-58 Linda Hinkle Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:52:38 +0000 http://www.momstalknetwork.com/resources/?p=541#comment-58 Alice, as I read your article I was reminded of some advice a wise high school football coach once gave me on this very subject. I was a friend and colleague of his, we were teaching at the same high school. I was a single parent raising two sons and my oldest was a sophomore. One day the coach and I happened to be in the teachers’ lounge at the same time and I was having what I thought then was a major crisis over some situation with my son (I swear that for the life of me, I can’t recall now what the problem was). You see, I thought that as a parent it was my job to always be able to fix everything for my sons and make everything o.k. I was distraught that I might not be able to do that in this particular situation. After hearing me out on the issue, the coach looked me square in the eye and said, “Linda, if you always fix everything for them, they’ll never learn to be accountable for their actions and learn about consequences.” I have reminded myself of that advice many times since that day. Excellent article! Alice, as I read your article I was reminded of some advice a wise high school football coach once gave me on this very subject.

I was a friend and colleague of his, we were teaching at the same high school. I was a single parent raising two sons and my oldest was a sophomore. One day the coach and I happened to be in the teachers’ lounge at the same time and I was having what I thought then was a major crisis over some situation with my son (I swear that for the life of me, I can’t recall now what the problem was).

You see, I thought that as a parent it was my job to always be able to fix everything for my sons and make everything o.k. I was distraught that I might not be able to do that in this particular situation. After hearing me out on the issue, the coach looked me square in the eye and said, “Linda, if you always fix everything for them, they’ll never learn to be accountable for their actions and learn about consequences.” I have reminded myself of that advice many times since that day.

Excellent article!

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