How many times have you heard this when your children are playing together?
You usually hear this when they’re fighting over a toy. Most parents would tell them to share the toy.
If you have children coming over to play with your children, you would normally tell your children to share their toys with their guests.
Question: Is this real life?
If your child has a favorite toy he cherishes, do you have the right to tell him to share it with another child if he doesn’t want to? From your child’s perspective, some higher authority is forcing him to share his toy with someone else he may not know that well.
If your teen bought a new car and a guest wanted to take it for a test drive, do you tell your teen to be nice and share it with your guest?
Would you like the government to tell you to share your property, like your sewing machine or your tools, with your neighbor if you didn’t want to (especially if you think your neighbor is irresponsible)?
One Solution
What we decided to do with our 
children’s toys was to have ownership of their toys. If Johnny wanted to play with Jimmy’s toys, Johnny would have to ask Jimmy? If Johnny didn’t want to, then Jimmy couldn’t. Each child knew who owned what toy so there was no fighting over it.
We also set aside toys that no one owns (actually the parents do) but anyone can play with it anytime. This is essentially community property. When we have guests come over, they can play with those toys. Any toys that our child owns can be taken out if he wants to share it with other children. If they don’t, then he needs to put it away so no one else can play with it.
This eliminated a lot of our problems with playing with toys. If we heard them arguing over a toy, we would ask “Who’s toy is it?” If Johnny owned it, it would be up to Johnny if he wanted to share it. If it was community property, we would have one child play with it for 5 minutes. The other child would have to wait 5 minutes before he gets a turn to play with that toy.
What do you think? Is this mean? What’s another solution?
photo credit: Photos by Mavis,
It's not mean. We do a similar thing at our house. If we go to a friends house or to the park for a playdate & they want to bring something, I always ask them if it is a “share” toy. If it's a “share” toy they can bring it, but if they think it's too special to share then they must leave it at home.
My kids are grown, but my daughter has a 3 and a 1 year old, both boys. The three year old is learning what it means to share as well as what it means when his 7 year old cousin or his 4 year old friend don't want to share their toys with him. Sharing is hard for young children to grasp, and I think your suggestions are a great. I will pass them along to my daughter. Thanks!
How about sharing too much? My daughter's love language is gift giving. When she was little, no one could leave our home without a gift. It was so sweet until one day she gave away something my grandmother had given me. I got the object back but I had to do some explaining to both my guest and my daughter about what is and is not appropriate to share.
What an uncomfortable situation to be in!
That's a unique way of calling it – “share” toy!
Yes, it is hard for young children to learn that lesson. Mary, I can't believe you're a grandmother!
Hi Mimi!
Great solution! I think in the context of this solution I can still address issues of selfishness. Thanks for sharing!
Tara
How about sharing too much? My daughter's love language is gift giving. When she was little, no one could leave our home without a gift. It was so sweet until one day she gave away something my grandmother had given me. I got the object back but I had to do some explaining to both my guest and my daughter about what is and is not appropriate to share.
What an uncomfortable situation to be in!
That's a unique way of calling it – “share” toy!
Yes, it is hard for young children to learn that lesson. Mary, I can't believe you're a grandmother!
Hi Mimi!
Great solution! I think in the context of this solution I can still address issues of selfishness. Thanks for sharing!
Tara