How to Tell Children about Your Divorce
August 8, 2007
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Divorce is not an easy thing to experience for parents. The same holds true for their children. When a family dissolves, there are many issues to face for all involved. Talking with the children won’t be easy, but it is necessary to prepare them for what is to come.
Before talking to your children, talk with your spouse. It is important to show a united front when dealing with your children. Discuss you feelings openly with your spouse and come up with a plan to address the topic.
Children will have questions. With a child, security is an important issue. The breakup of a family leaves children wondering where they stand, or rather where they will be residing.
Children will also wonder about the reasons for the dissolution of the family. It is normal for them to blame themselves. They will ask if something that they did or didn’t do caused the impending divorce.
Knowing the answers to these questions ahead of time will help. The more prepared you both are to deal with the questions, the less you will have to improvise. This also gives both of you a chance to work through your feelings to a point where you can talk to the children without getting too emotional.
Both parents should sit down together at an appointed time and talk to the children. The only way this would not be possible is if the situation is still too volatile to be together. In this case, one parent can orchestrate the discussion with the children. But, being impartial is important. This is not an opportunity to bias the children in favor of one parent over another. That will only make the situation worse.
Prepare for your child’s reactions. Depending on their ages, their reactions could range from sadness to anger. Older children may have noticed what has been going on in the home. Their questions to you may be more involved.
Don’t lie to your children. It is important to be honest. How in-depth you answer is will depend on the age of the child, but still be as truthful as you can without confusing them. If you need to, perform a one on one meeting with each of the children.
Let your children express their feelings. Even if their comments are tough to hear, listen anyway. They need to talk and as parents, we lovingly listen. Our feelings will take longer to sort out, but the children need the immediate attention.
Divorce is not pleasant. Lives are forever changed when they occur, especially the lives of children. How and when you talk to them is just as important as what you plan to say.
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Posted by admin | Filed Under Relationships
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