How to Be Important in the Life of a Child

April 21, 2008

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I’m sure everyone’s heard the phrase, “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy.” The same can be said about mommies. I’ve never been blessed with children, unless you can call my 2 puppies my children. I’m a mom by love.

I have a special relationship with my cousin’s granddaughter, Sam, that nothing can break. Even though her mom was involved in her life, she was being raised by her grandfather. Sam had always had a special place in my heart and I would drive 80 miles to spend at least one weekend a month with her. I felt she needed some girl time and her grandfather needed a break. During the summers my vacations turned into our vacations. She became, as she liked to call it, my travel buddy.

The school always made a big deal about Mother’s Day. She always made a gift and card for her mother but she might or might not see her that day. We decided we were going to make our own special day and call it Cousin’s Day. We picked a day in June and it was our special day to spend together. It really was no different than any other time we were together but it was a day just for us.

One year we were on vacation and she was talking about families. She wanted a mom and dad in her life like her friend’s had. She had an aunt and uncle who she would spend weekends with occasionally and she told me that she sometimes pretended they were her real mom and dad. She then told me that I was like having a mom, without the dad because I’d done more with her than her mom ever did.

When she was 13, I got married and moved out of state. My husband and I took her out to lunch and a movie and we told her we were moving. I felt she deserved to hear it from me. She was such a special part of my life I couldn’t stand the thought of her hearing it from someone else.

The things I’ve learned from Sam:

Honesty: A child needs you to be honest with them. They need someone they can trust. You don’t have to tell them everything but don’t make things up and lie to them. They can see right through it.

Keep promises: To a child a promise is something definite. If you break a promise, it’s the same to them as lying. I was very careful not to say “I promise” when I wasn’t sure. I might say, “This isn’t a promise, it’s a maybe” and it meant plans could change.

Quality is better than quantity: Make the times you spend together special. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Just playing Barbie or Candy Land is enough for them. Camp out in the living room or have a picnic in the backyard. It’s not what you do that matters it’s that you did it with them.

Let them help in the planning: When planning special time together, let them feel they’re a part of the entire process from beginning to end. Ask their help in planning. You can usually word things and talk a child into doing things a certain way but make them think it was their idea and they had a hand in planning. When Sam and I went on vacations she decided when we ate and what music we listened to. I planned the route and where we stopped for the night. When we stopped for gas, she had the job of cleaning the windows. It was her vacation too.

Ask their advice on things: If you go shopping, ask their advice on which shoes you should buy or which purse. I’d pick a couple I liked and asked Sam for her opinion. I could usually talk her into picking the one I wanted but she felt important. She’d even brag to other’s that she helped.

Sam is now 18 and we’re still close. We haven’t seen each other in 4 years but we email and talk on the phone. We both have pages on Facebook. I hear all about her boyfriends and school. She’s turned into a wonderful, beautiful young woman and I couldn’t be prouder of her if she were my own child. But I guess in a way she is. She’s not my daughter by birth, she’s my daughter by love and love is so much more important.

About the Author: Denice Landry is a Registered Respiratory Therapist who lives in Alabama with her husband and two dogs. She loves to blog and is passionate about teaching adults and children about asthma and lung diseases. Her blog about lung health is Sneezes and Wheezes and her blog about everyday life is Weekly Beef.

To learn more, check out the Mom’s Talk Guide to Raising Happy & Healthy Kids - Tips and resources address nutrition, exercise, sleep, routines, and much more.

Posted by Christina | Filed Under Parenting 

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