When we hear of the word “dating” we think to young people, single people, people who are still searching for that one person to complete them; in general, people that aren’t married! You might think, “That is not me, we have been married for how long now? Besides, what would we do on a date? I mean, that was for when I needed to get him to marry me, right?”

Wrong! In my line of work I come across so many ladies that are just bored or overwhelmed with what their lives have thrown at them. You have kids, bills, a mortgage, society telling you that you are never to put yourself before your family. Many times that means sacrificing your happiness and the stability of your marriage to do the “right” thing. There is no time to date much less think of having any couple time.

That is where dating can come into play and be a positive. Let’s go back for a bit and reconnect with what dating did for us as a person and as a couple.

Do you remember that anticipation of waiting for him so that the date could start? I do! Wondering what new adventure or movie you two were going to experience together? Maybe it was a concert to the best band in the world and you both agreed that it was the best band in the world! Or just the thought of being together was enough to get you feeling as if nothing could go wrong. Then after the main event was over, going out to eat and talking about how great it all was and when you are going to do it all over again! How complete you two made each other feel? Oh, yeah, it was fabulous!

Then you got married. Maybe you still went out but it was different. Then the kids came….forget it! It all stopped there.

Did you notice how sweet that feeling was when you thought back to your dating and how you found yourself feeling a loving warmth that you thought was gone? We all need that and it is something very important to keep marriages together in a happy medium. Not in one that is bearable, or complacent, but happy and loving.

So why not get back into it? Reignite that mutual interest in concerts, movies, or anything! Remind yourselves why you liked each other to begin with and what attracted you the most to him. Or how about getting to know the person you are married to? I bet you he is not the same person you married 13 years ago or the same one he was 5 years ago. Let him get to know you also. We are ever evolving, changing people. Show him how interesting you are!

You may still be saying to yourself, “What, me go on a date with my husband?? That is silly!” Ok, now lets talk about what dating can prevent.

Unfaithfulness. Now I am not saying that if you don’t go on a date he will cheat on you, but it can help to keep it from happening. Lots of times we need excitement or adventure to keep us close to home and when we don’t get it at home we can be tempted to look some where else. Imagine the last time you were bored out of your mind. You were willing to try anything to get out of that funk! Go on vacation to an exotic place together. Or just jump out of a plane or just go out and try that new sushi restaurant. Make new memories!

Insecurity with the kids. My girls are happy when we go out on a date. It wasn’t that way at first but then they got to see the whole picture. We were happier when we got home. It was great having dinner without having to make 3 or 4 potty trips during the meal. I was able to listen to my husband’s dreams without any interruptions and in return we both felt important. We reconnected. The girls now see how important our time is, reassuring them that we love each othe. For kids, that is a huge comfort which is reflected in their behavior, attitudes, and even in school performance.

Boring sex!! There are so many woman out there that make sure that their sexual gratification is the last thing on their list! Literally! Career, ambition, even dominance of a 3rd world country may take lead before having a satisfying sex life will. When you were dating remember how great it was? Or after you got married because it was all so new? Then it got routine, hurried, and almost a chore. But what started the feeling of sex being that great? The date! Being together, holding hands, looking into each others eyes, and having fun! It is so hard to think about sex when you have 3 crying kids and a house that needs to be cleaned along with 20 loads of laundry!

Being out on a date gives you the opportunity to leave all of that behind, even if for a couple of hours and gives you time to be with the person you love. This is also the time to leave all talk about the kids or the chores or what still has to be done behind. Talk about you guys and you guys only. Dare each other to do something you have never done, or eat that thing that you are not sure what the name of it is!

Most importantly have fun! Laugh, giggle, tell jokes and enjoy each other. So grab that phone book, pick a day of the week to have as date night and start lining up some babysitters!

At first it will seem odd and maybe a little hard. The kids may kick and scream, you will feel guilty, you may even cry but think of the end result. You may not even know what to do at first and that is ok because then it will all come back! Don’t give up, you will soon find that you look forward to it.

You have a lifetime ahead of you being married, you might as well make it a fun ride and have a blast!

About the Author: Patricia Barboza is married and a mother of 3 daughters. She is an Executive Director with Treasures of Passion and encourages all women to make time for themselves rather than always putting their needs last.

Very few women seem to have the “perfect” relationship with their Mother-in-Laws. In fact, I have yet to meet one who does. There is a reason for this. It comes down to a very basic need all women have. Understanding this need is about her, and not about you, can go a long way in helping your relationship succeed.

* The Need Of Every Woman *

Before we go too far, it is important for you to understand your Mother-in-Law has what is deeply rooted in all women. We have a need for love. Like many women, this has translated into desire for unconditional love from a man. The problem is, us women often feel a sense of lack when it comes to our Fathers and our Husbands loving us. The grown up men in our lives are usually wounded and unable to give us the love we truly desire. What is left is a void just waiting to be filled.

* The Son Fills A Need *

Along comes the Son. He needs his Mom and at least while he is younger, his love is unconditional. Over time, this loving boy grows up to be a man, but your Mother-in-Law is left with the taste of what it is really like to be unconditionally loved. She has experienced from her Son what she has not experienced from other men. On a subconscious level, their relationship is proof that she is lovable. After all, she struggles with self worth like any other woman.

* The Wife As The Threat *

Is it any wonder that when the Son presents his new wife, she can be perceived as a threat to the relationship? The Mother-in-Law compares the Son’s wife to HERSELF. If she is not strong enough in her belief that she is okay as a woman (and most women aren’t), it is a temptation to see the shortcomings of the Daughter-in-Law so she can feel good about herself.

Your Mother-in-Law believes no other woman can love her Son like she can. When her Son is unhappy, it is the opportunity to say, “I could make him happier.” If her Son is happy, she can be even more vigilant in finding something wrong with the other woman (who happens to be you). Keep in mind this is about her, not you.

A Mother-in-Law who is further along the path of healing will find a Daughter-in-Law less threatening because she knows she is lovable as a woman. She doesn’t fear losing her Son’s love. Unfortunately, few women have found this path of healing.

Women tend to measure themselves against women. At times we wonder, “Am I beautiful enough to be loved?”; “Am I good enough?”; or “Do I have what it takes to make a man happy?” Why would this comparison be any different in a Mother to Daughter-in-Law relationship? In this case, the Mother-in-Law feels she has already proved she can love the Son better.

Where do the Daughter-in-Law hooks come in? Once again, there is this need to “prove ourselves as good enough”. We are triggered because we still want to know we’re a good enough wife, a good enough woman or a good enough mother. If we haven’t convinced ourselves, how can we stand strong enough in who we are when our Mother-in-Law comes around? If your Husband is not treating you well, even more fuel is added to the fire.

So how CAN you ease your Mother-in-Law woes?

1. Have Mercy. Begin by recognizing your Mother-in-Law has hurts that are at the heart of every woman. How she deals with you is an overflow out of the pain in her own heart. Those hurts are about her and have nothing to do with you. You just happen to be the one who married her Son.

Choose to treat your Mother-in-Law with gentleness and respect. She is simply another woman struggling with to come to terms with the value past society seems to have placed on all women. She has some of the same needs you do.

2. Build Yourself Up. The strongest kind of love you can have is when you love others as much as yourself. Love without self love has many hooks in it. You are less vulnerable to attack when you are worthy in your own eyes. You are less likely to react negatively and less likely to get hurt by it all.

Strengthen your heart by affirming your own value. Find ways to build up your self esteem. Choose to accept that you are beautiful. You are talented and you are good enough. You don’t need your Mother-in-Law’s approval to be okay with your value as a woman or as a wife.

3. Deflect Those Arrows. If you Mother-in-Law throws an arrow towards you, choose not to take the arrow into your heart. If a dart does find it’s mark, remove it gently by reminding yourself you are OK as a woman. Remember, you ARE lovable, beautiful, and good enough to be with her Son. Don’t take her hurts on as your own. The more you are okay with who you are, the less Mother-in-Law troubles will affect you.

4. Stand Your Ground. Boundaries are much more productive than “war lines”. Learn to put boundaries around you and your heart. Consider what your boundaries may be and how you will react in a way that honors your Mother-in-Law while standing your ground. There is no reason for attack, especially when you remember she is already feeling threatened by you. You can treat her with dignity and respect while making sure you don’t betray your own self and how you’ve chosen to live your life.

A good place to start is by setting boundaries around how you are treated or by affirming your control in areas related to your personal life. Consider carefully what the consequence will be so you aren’t left stumbling if your boundary is crossed. It’s a good idea to warn your Husband that you value yourself enough to stand strong in the areas that matter most. This is YOUR boundary, but his support would be most welcome!

5. Commit To Being Yourself. Don’t become the woman you think your Mother-in-Law accuses you of being. Learn to get comfortable with who you really are. Of course that means accepting you are valuable and have a lot to offer. Why hide who you really are? It’s time to be yourself, without apology.

This doesn’t mean exposing yourself in a way that opens you up for abuse. It simply means to “just be you” when around her. It takes a lot of stress out of the relationship when you decide to be you instead of trying to be what she wants. Make the decision to not get stressed or rattled. Your Mother-in-Law doesn’t decide your worth so she cannot get to you unless you let her.

So now you have some strategies for managing Mother-in-Law woes. Remember, keeping your issues separate from your Mother-in-Law’s issues can ease the struggles which are bound to happen. It doesn’t have to get so hard at times!

Article by:
Tami Szabo specializes in Personal Success Coaching for Women who want to create a life of passion and purpose at home and at work. Learn about Wives Alive Coaching and Get Free Success Tips for Women on her website.

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Have you felt that you are the only one who does anything in the house? Many women feel that way. Often, all we need is a little help from our spouses. Here are seven tips to help you encourage your husband to do more around the house.

Since the beginning of time, husbands have been viewed as the hunters and wives as the gatherers. According to statistics, only 15% of husbands today help with housework. Although we may not have fully evolved into an equal partnership when it comes to the home, and while there is still an on-going debate as to how to encourage husbands to help around the house, here are seven tips for getting your husband to help with housework that may work for you.

Depending upon how your husband was raised, he may or may not know how to handle housework. Therefore, the first thing you can do is teach him.

Every woman cleans a home in her own way. She has a method which guarantees everything is spotless and in its place. For men, however, they hardly notice if the house is clean or not, and so it is important to discuss housework and their role, not as helper, but one who can equally share the responsibility of keeping the house clean and orderly. Discuss housework with him.

More often than not, the husband usually takes out the trash and does “manly” work around the house, such as fixing and building or working in the back yard. If you need your husband to assist you with housework, you will have to compromise a bit by asking what chore he would like to tackle. Is he a good cook? Does he enjoy food shopping? If so, perhaps he can take over the meal preparation while you take care of the house.
Offer a compromise to him.

If both of you work, weekends are a time for rest and relaxation. If one of you works at home or is taking care of children, you may find it even more difficult to get your husband to help with housework. Talk to your husband about taking on one chore at a time, so that you can free up your weekends to spend more time with each other and the children. Discuss a schedule of chores with him.

If you find that your husband will not lift a finger to help you, call in the guards. Hire a cleaning service. Perhaps when he sees the bill week after week, he may decide it’s easier to help rather than pay someone to do it. Discuss the cleaning service with him.

Now ladies, this next tip may be over the top, but in some cases it is needed to cajole your husband to help with the housework. Simply tell him if he doesn’t help, he’ll be spending many lonely nights without your company. Talk about a lack of lovin’ with him.

Finally, if any or all of these tips fail, your last resort is to do nothing. That’s right, engage in a housework strike, and go out one Saturday leaving him to handle the kids and the messy house. You can be assured that at some point he will get the message, and a dialogue will ensue where you can talk about your feelings and his lack of attention.

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