You’re presented with a situation that sadly is becoming familiar in our society. You are a divorced woman with children. Thankfully the time finally arrived to get remarried. When describing your new future family you always explain it as, “we are kind of like the Brady Bunch”. He has his kids and you have yours. But unlike the Brady Bunch both sides of the family have divorce in the background and it is hard to hide its ugly face.

The ex-spouses seem to come up in conversation often and it is usually in a negative light. You are starting to feel ill feelings for your husband’s ex-wife. Sometimes you even feel that it would be better for the kids if she wasn’t involved in their lives as much. You even find yourself talking bad about her in front of her kids and they are starting to feel the same way as yourself and their dad. When you see this happening their is some guilt but it is rationalized away as being for the better good.

What Should You Do?

Never repeat the same mistake that led to both of the divorces. That mistake is hate and a lack of love. In short you should love their mom. When divorce affects a family there is really only one way to heal the pain. That method is love. It takes love to heal broken hearts and to mend souls. When a ex learns to love and to forgive only then can the pain caused by divorce begin to heal.

By choosing to show hate and express ill feelings in front of the children you are only perpetuating the damage of the divorce.

I have personally lived this situation and know from first hand experience that harboring ill feelings for ex-spouses will damage the family more and the consequences will have lasting negative effects. I plead with all parties of any divorce to choose love rather than hate and pride. I know that divorce is not ideal but once it has happened the only way for healing is through love and forgiveness.

I beg with you moms to love their mom. Although your situation may be a little different, than the one portrayed above, please to choose to love.

Jocelyn is a writer for various topics but passionately writes about women’s fashion trends.
She has recently authored articles revolving around OPI Axxium. Divorce is a little off topic for her but it is so real to her she decided to provide personal insight on the matter.

Here at Mom’s Talk Network we know some pretty smart Moms and we love it when they’re willing to share their experience with our readers.

This young mom of three has a problem and needs some advice:

My kids keep my running all day but I have dinner ready when my husband gets home.  After dinner I really like to spend some time on the computer but hubby gets mad about it.  It’s like he resents that I’m talking to my friends online.  I need this down time.  How can I get him to understand?

Aurelia Williams, Life Coach (Real Life Coaching)

First of all, please know that you are not alone with this issue. This happens more often than you may know — heck, it happened to me years ago!  You are 100% right, you do need and deserve downtown.  Downtime is healthy and it is needed in order to ‘recharge’ our batteries and I commend you for realizing that..

Many husbands don’t understand that at times, when we (moms/women) get on the computer and chat with others or just surf aimlessly online that we are just using this time to “connect” with others that are adults and we are unwinding and taking a much needed break from our day.

Here are a few questions for you:

1.  Could it be that your husband wants some (more) of your time?
2. Are you carving out some one-on-one time for your husband too?

I am only asking this because at times our husbands can feel a tad “neglected” if they see the back of our heads too often (smile).  No way am I suggesting that you cut out your online time with your friends but perhaps you can sit down with him and have a calm conversation.  Start off by explaining to your husband just what you are doing online, what you gain from it and how it actually helps you to unwind from the day and recuperate and recharge for the next day.  It could be that he really just doesn’t see the benefit that it holds for you.

I would start off with a nice conversation about it and explain to him how much the online conversations help you and then perhaps flat out ask him what his concerns are about it and then address them as honestly as you can.

In the meantime, continue to add some type of “own time” into your day when you can to help you to stay connected to yourself and your friends!

Carrie Lauth, Mom to 6 (Natural Moms Talk Radio)

When I was counseling mothers with young babies, I often found that the question that the mom “presented” with wasn’t the *real* question. It would take some digging to get to the bottom of things – the real concern that was often based on a fear or worry.

Perhaps this is true of your husband as well. Criticism is what we express … when we are afraid to state the real issue and ask for what we need. Does he really have a problem with this chill habit if yours, or is it that he’s really jealous that you may meet another man online? Or is he sad that he doesn’t have any close friends other than you (very common in marriage!), but you have others that you share your life with? Or maybe he needs more physical intimacy?

Try to get to the bottom of the issue. Ask more questions and draw him out. He might not want to admit at first that he has feelings around this because it doesn’t seem “manly”, so be gentle. It might also be a good idea to schedule daily face time with hubby so he knows that he is a priority to you. Could you carve out a few minutes as soon as he gets home for coffee and conversation? Perhaps reserve TV time for the kids for that space so he has your undivided attention?

I don’t think you should give up your go-to stress relief. It’s not selfish to recharge your batteries. Ignoring your own legitimate needs brings resentment. Communicate clearly that you aren’t avoiding him, you’re just regrouping. Does he have a similar hobby he enjoys?

It’s interesting that you two are having this issue because if you’re familiar with the Mars/Venus analogy of male/female relationships, this looks a lot like the “cave” that men sometimes revert to in order to feel centered. Then they can come back to the relationship/their life/ etc with renewed energy. Only, it’s you that needs the cave time. Your husband, on the other hand, craves that connection with you.

Doesn’t it just drive you nuts when you meet a new mom at the mall or the park and later totally forget what her name was, how many kids she has etc?  It totally drives me BONKERS! Or digging through your purse, or diaper bag for a pen and a piece of paper to write down her name and number?  Well, read on for a solution!

Recently, I was rereading (for the millionth time)  Little Town on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  ABSOLUTELY, love those books!  Well, one of the newest trends was Name Cards, Nellie Olson was bragging about them to all the other girls.  Name Cards, were just cards that had a pretty picture and your name printed on them.  You would take these cards and hand them out to your friends and other people.  I think, also, in the Victorian age or some other time in the olden days (and amongst the rich – haha), they were called Calling Cards.  When you called upon someone, you would hand the butler or the maid your calling card, to give to the person of the house, to let them know you are here to visit.

Also, every business person, salesperson has a business card with their name and information on it, to hand out to anyone they meet.

So, My Suggestion…

Why shouldn’t we as moms, start our own trend with Mom Calling Cards! They are really, really EASY to make.

There are two ways to make these cards. You can make these really cheaply, by using some leftover supplies lying around your house or, you can buy some business cards.  Go to your office supply store and buy the business cards that you can print on both sides and/or these clean edge business cards.  I like these the best because they are easy to tear. Here is a link to see what they look like.

I am going to show you how to make these the frugal way:

All you need is card stock paper and mailing labels, hopefully you have some lying around the house.  I assume you have Microsoft Works, most computers do. Go there, under Templates to Labels to Return Address Labels (prints the same thing on every label.  I just put my name, phone number, address and then added my kids names and ages.  I figured that was pretty important since my job is being a mom.  Then all you need to do is print them out, put the labels on the card stock and cut out around the label and VIOLA! you have your own calling cards.

Here is what a sample looks like, these took me about 5 minutes to make:

Now, you can use any color/print of card stock and of course change the font.  I’ve used the ever popular Curlz MT.  You can add an image or a picture of you or your kids (that would look really cute).

Now, take a few minutes and have fun making some.  And next time, no more digging around looking for a pen and a scrap piece of paper.

Not only do moms need to take make time for themselves by spending time with friends, exercising, and taking care of themselves, they need to make time to take care of their relationship with their spouse or partner.

I think that sometimes couples can get so caught up in the day to day and taking care of the family, that they tend to forget about what brought them together in the first place.

A great way to reconnect is to have a date night.  Date nights don’t have to be expensive or fancy.  Here are a few great ideas:

• Go out for pizza and a movie.
• Wait for the kids to go to bed and then have a fancy dinner for just the two of you if you can’t get a babysitter.
• Go for a walk.
• Go out for breakfast.
• Go out dancing.

Really the ideas are endless.  Think of something that you did all the time before having kids and do it.  The important thing isn’t really what you do, but that you get out together and do it!

photo credit: Y0si

We recently hosted a family reunion this year where the family members haven’t gotten together for almost 20 years.  There were over 120 family members that attended.

I was trying to figure out a way to document the families’ genealogy.  Some families used Family Tree Maker or some other genealogy software on their computer but it was hard to combine all of that information together.  Searching on the internet, I found an open source (free) genealogy software called PhpGedView which allows you to view and edit your genealogy on your website.  It also simplifies the process of collaborating with others working on your family lines. Your latest information is always on your website and available for others to see.

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