This is the final segment in our series, Mom’s Talk about Breastfeeding.

My baby girl just turned a year old!  I have started to think about our breastfeeding relationship.  I have really enjoyed breastfeeding her this past year.  But I have been wondering how will I know that she’s ready and I’m ready to stop.  While she is my 4th child this is the first one that I have successfully breastfed this long.  So this leaves me wondering where do we go from here?

Does She Still Have Interest?

First and foremost I have been trying to decide if my daughter is still benefiting from breastfeeding.  While the majority of her diet consists of table foods and we have gotten her to drink coconut milk from a bottle I would definitely say she still wants to breastfeed.  There are a few ways I know this:

1. When my husband is holding her and I walk into the room she practically will jump out of his arms when she wants me.
2. If she gets a glimpse of my breast she gets all excited and claps and bounces up and down. Honestly these days she might have more interest in my boobs than anyone ever has.
3. She still nurses in the middle of the night most nights.

So it seems to me that the interest in breastfeeding is still there for her.

But What About Me?

I’ve always heard that as long as you and baby are getting something out of the breastfeeding relationship you should continue doing it.  So I’ve really had to take a long hard look at myself and my feelings on breastfeeding.  I have no problems at this point in time in continuing.  I don’t know that I want to be doing this still when she is 2 or 3, but I can see doing it for another 6 months or so.  Especially since I know I don’t really have to provide her with breast milk.

I never did pump so for the past almost year I have really only been able to step out for a few hours without her with me.  However, now she is content with drinking other things and getting nutrition from other sources. So I can leave her with my husband secure in the fact that he can provide her with what she needs.  This gives me more freedom not having to constantly watch the clock to figure out when she might want to be eating again.

So for now we will continue breastfeeding.  And we’ll reevaluate in about 6 months.

Input From An Expert

I wanted to know more about how other more experienced breastfeeders handle the weaning process – so I asked Mom’s Talk Expert Carrie Willard.

When did you wean?  Was it hard?  How did you know it was the right time?

Right now, my 19 month old is still nursing, but I have 4 older children who are weaned. I believe firmly that babies will wean when they are ready. This is often referred to as “child-led” weaning, but I dislike that term because it implies that Mom has nothing to do with the process which isn’t the case at all!

Just as children walk, talk, feed themselves and learn to read when they’re developmentally ready, they will also wean themselves. One of the advantages of this process is that it’s a gentle transition – for both the child and the mother. Abrupt weaning can cause problems in the child – increased clinginess, increased night waking, regression. In short, more work for mom! And in the mother – plugged ducts, mastitis, even depression. (This is because the act of breastfeeding releases “feel good” hormones that help the mother deal with the everyday stresses of raising a child. The abrupt cessation of nursing cuts these hormones off, which causes depression in some moms.)

As I mentioned earlier however, Mom is half of the breastfeeding “couple”, and her feelings are important! An older baby or toddler can be taught to wait, to ask nicely, and to nurse in a way that is comfortable for mom. Discipline starts at the breast.

False Alarms

I also would like to mention a few weaning “false alarms” that might confuse a mom who wants to breastfeed for a certain length of time. (Keeping in mind that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for one year or as long as mutually acceptable to mom and baby, and the World Health Organization recommends two years of breastfeeding.)

One such false alarm is the phenomenon known as a “nursing strike”. This describes a baby who is happily nursing one day, but who refuses to nurse the next. I’ve personally experienced this and it was extremely stressful and difficult both for me and my baby. I describe my story, and how it resolved, here. Striking is sometimes the result of an illness or teething.

A baby who begins biting mom probably also isn’t ready to wean. Biting has a number of causes, and can be solved quickly. Here are a few suggestions.

Finally, some moms think they have lost their milk suddenly when their breasts stop leaking, or when they begin to return to their usual, pre-pregnancy size. This also is a false alarm. When a woman’s breasts begin to become more efficient at matching supply with demand, leaking often stops, and at some point most nursing moms find that their old bras fit again. This doesn’t reflect milk supply. Keep in mind that the breast is a milk making machine, not a milk storage tank.

There have been times I wanted to gently encourage a child to wean, or to breastfeed less often.

Here are a few things that have worked for me and other moms:

• Be a moving target. If sitting down in the rocker or sofa signals “time to nurse” to your little one, avoid that spot!
• Offer other “mother loving”. Sometimes older babies nurse because they are bored, hungry, or want attention. Nothing wrong with that – but if you want to limit the feedings, then offer a drink, snack, story, or just cuddles instead.
• Limit time at the breast. Say something your child will understand, such as “We don’t nurse when Mr. Moon is out. We can nurse again when Mr. Sun is up.” Or, “Let’s nurse until we sing the ABC song, then we’re done.”

This continues our series, Mom’s Talk about Breastfeeding.

If your child were done breast feeding but you are still producing milk, would you contribute to a donor milk bank?

Donor Milk Banking is a service in which breast milk is donated by nursing mothers who are not biologically related to the baby. Breast milk is collected, screened, processed and dispensed by a prescription. Milk banks are often found in hospitals, although, sometimes are free standing clinics.

When I first read about UNICEF’s involvement and continuing efforts to support donor milk banking, I assumed it was for impoverished countries but quickly learned that it was also for use right here in the U.S. too. There are more and more premature births and the risk to these preemies not having access to breast milk is not only shocking but disheartening. Premature infants who are fed infant formula are at a higher risk of developing necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC) than when they are fed human milk, either mother’s own milk or banked donor milk.

NEC is an infection and inflammation of the intestine. The lining of the intestinal wall dies and the tissue falls off. It usually happens within the first 2 weeks after birth but may occur up to 3 months after birth.

The premature infant has a better start in life than he/she would have if fed premature infant formula. This is contrary to the pervading philosophy among many health care providers, especially in the US, that infant formula and human milk are equivalent.(source)

I was very interested in learning more about donor milk banking because I, like a lot of women could not breast feed. My son was born at 28 weeks and therefore, he had a hard time latching on and sucking. And I was ultimately forced to formula feed him because there were no other options like donor milk banking.

There are a lot of reason’s that babies are not able to breastfeed from their own mothers and it would be a great way for these babies to be able to receive the nutrients that they need through another women’s selfless act.

In my research on donor milk banking, there seems to be a lot of backlash from people criticizing the thought of a complete stranger giving their baby or any baby another woman’s breast milk who is not biologically related to them. They assume that infant formula and human milk are equivalent, when it comes to another person providing breast milk for another child.

Although it may not be something that you may want for your baby, you could give to another mother’s child who desperately needs it.

If it were your child, would you want a mother who was still producing milk to donate?

 

This continues our series, Mom’s Talk about Breastfeeding. 

Many moms struggle with breastfeeding – it isn’t always as easy and natural as you’d hope.  We know it helps sometimes to know that you’re not the only one, so hopefully these stories will be an encouragement to you.

Kristina’s Story

When my twins were born one month premature I was so focused on their healthy delivery that I wasn’t paying much attention to the factors involved in breast feeding. I had every intention of breast feeding (if I could!) and immediately set about round the clock pumping to contract milk flow. Doctors and nurses assured me that my milk would come in about a week after the twins’ birth and they were right. Sadly however, it just was never enough for two so I continued supplementing with formula.

About 3 or 4 weeks later I started to experience excruciating pain while breastfeeding and sought help through a number of channels and finally landed at a breast feeding clinic with expert physicians who actually specialized in the nurturing act of breastfeeding.

It was the BEST move I made.

In one appointment they had me entirely sorted out and on a program that while I stuck to it; which included supplements, breastfeeding aids and lots and lots of pumping, really worked. I felt I had the support and understanding that I needed and in my case that also included the reassurance that supplementing with formula was indeed OK and necessary in my case as I just wasn’t able to produce enough sustenance for two babies.

At home I found it was a little more difficult at times and mainly due to well meaning friends and relatives who wanted so much to be a part of the babies care. In order for me to breast feed it took a lot of time and effort and cooperation from others and sometimes their needs and desires to hold and feed a baby seemed to trump the whole breast feeding routine. It was hard because I was so grateful for their company and their help.

The routine was grueling and in my case quite painful for a while there so I am sure many were scratching their heads as to why I continued!

The reason why I continued was because someone very early on told me something that really resonated with me. She told me that even one eyedropper of breast milk was beneficial to my boys. It all mattered. And that is what kept me going until at five months my boys started sleeping through the night and unless I was willing to wake just for the sake of pumping; my supply was just not going to survive the long spells of not feeding.

So, I stopped at five months and I feel good about it now. I struggled with it then and was sad for two main reasons: one was that I was sorry I could not nourish the boys by my own body alone and the second was that as an older mom I knew it would be the first and last time I would breastfeed and that is bitter sweet as other moms know.

It was hard. It was painful, exhausting, discouraging, deflating, rewarding and ultimately beautiful to breast feed my boys for as little and as long as I did. It was all worth it and I am so glad I did it!

Chacoy’s Story

I was excited to finally get the opportunity to breastfeed my son. I had been pumping in a milking room with 5+ other women; once I was done, I labeled the milk and placed it in the freezer which was lined with other mothers’ breast milk. It’s not the image you have in your head while you fantasize about motherhood but it was what I had to do to make sure that my son was getting all of the nutrients that he needed to become a healthy baby.

My excitement quickly turned into sadness as my 2 pound baby wouldn’t latch on. I was absolutely heart broken and no matter how much the lactation specialist told me that it was normal for preemies; that he would eventually come around I could not shake the feeling that I had failed or that my son did not like me and may ultimately be rejecting me.

I didn’t want him to be on the feeding tube any longer but since he would not latch on, or even suck a nipple from a bottle, I had to pump and freeze, pump and freeze. He was finally able to get off of the feeding tube but by that time my milk had dried up as I was not producing enough milk to keep it coming in.

I finally felt like we were on the right path but could not get out from underneath the thumb of judgement. Whether I was breastfeeding or bottle feeding, I was judged. I got dirty looks when I would go in to feed him. I could hear the whispers from the other mother’s as they watched me take my little man from his incubator to try and breast feed. ‘He won’t latch on.’ ‘Can you believe she isn’t breastfeeding’?

I finally just had to stop listening and remember that everyone has a different experience, and an opinion but nobody understands until they are actually in the situation to realize what works best for one mother does not necessarily mean it works best for the other.

As mother’s we all want what’s best for our children and whether it is breastfeeding or bottle feeding we need to support each others’ decisions in what is best for them and for their babies because sometimes it’s not a choice.

Kelly’s Story

I was determined to be a breastfeeder for three reasons.

• First, because it sounded sweet and warm and cuddly.  I wanted to be ‘that mom’.
• Second, because our budget was tight and buying formula was expensive.
• Third, because my husband was ‘green’ in a major way and breastfeeding means you don’t create a lot of ‘trash’ or need for recycling.

Nursing did not turn out to be all sweet and cuddly – at least not for me.  As a big breasted woman, I usually had to use a side football hold – instead of cuddling him in my arms like other moms.  It always felt awkward – but I did it.  When he started projectile vomiting most of what he ate – I started to wonder if he were allergic to my milk! (Was that even possible? LOL!)

I’ll never forget the morning when I was changing my five week old baby’s diaper and found little orange crystals in the diaper.  One call to my doctor and we were in the car headed to the hospital.

Turned out that the vomiting was a symptom of a serious problem – the muscle at the bottom of his little tummy was growing into itself, keeping the food from moving out of the stomach.  This reached a point where he became so dehydrated that he peed crystals

He had to have surgery to clip the muscle – and thank God that went without a hitch.  After the surgery though, I had trouble pumping – I was never able to pull more than a half ounce for the nurses to take to my baby in recovery – so they had to give him formula.  That started a downward spiral for me – by the time he came to me to nurse, he wasn’t hungry.  It seemed like I dried up literally overnight.

I had planned to nurse him for a full year, so it was sad to realize it was over already.  Still – I know that the five weeks we did nurse was wonderful for him.

How about you?  Do you have a story to share?

This is part two in our Mom’s Talk About Breastfeeding series.

While there are many benefits to breastfeeding your baby, sometimes you may not get support from the people around you. Family members, friends, random strangers and maybe even your husband may criticize your decision to breastfeed. They may be uneducated about the benefits of continued breastfeeding, or they may feel that since your decision to nurse is different than theirs was or would be that it can’t possibly be the right thing to do.

During my year of breastfeeding, I was lucky enough to be in an extremely supportive breastfeeding environment. I didn’t have anyone pressuring me to feed my baby one way or the other, and once I made it crystal clear what my intentions were, I received nothing but support.

Not all moms are so lucky.

If you are forced to deal with negativity regarding your decision to breastfeed, educating them about the benefits can be step one to combating criticism. They are hopefully not disagreeing with your decision simply to be negative about your parenting style, so helping them understand how much nursing is benefiting both you and your baby will be paramount in getting them to support you. Kellymom suggests stating facts and statistics, and provides a wealth of information for you to access.

The American Academy of Pediatrics “firmly adheres to the position that breastfeeding ensures the best possible health as well as the best developmental and psychosocial outcomes for the infant.” Occasionally, hearing that a medical professional is supportive of your decision can be enough to change their mind, or at least get them to back off.

If educating them doesn’t curb the negative comments, remind them that your decision to breastfeed is a personal one and ask them why they feel they need to push their views onto you. Tell them your feelings are hurt, laugh it off, or simply avoid the issue all together. I knew that there were some people that weren’t comfortable with me breastfeeding my son as he approached a year, so I simply chose not to mention it around them.

While this may not be an option for you, avoiding nursing in front of family or friends that are against your decision may save you some of the hassle of constantly defending your stance on the issue. All mothers should feel empowered to feed their babies in whatever way they chose – whether by bottle or by breast, so be proud and confident of your decision and not be deterred by other’s negativity!

Nursing in public

What happens when a bottle-fed baby is out in public with their mother and they are hungry? The baby cries, mom prepares a bottle and the baby is fed. It doesn’t matter where they are or who’s around. The same simple logic sometimes doesn’t apply to a nursing baby.

Whether due to an increased sexualization of female breasts in our society or because of the large number of bottle-fed babies, nursing in public is not viewed as a natural, normal thing. Despite it’s legality, sometimes mothers are uncomfortable breastfeeding their child in public whether due to a fear of accidental exposure or a fear of onlookers criticizing them.

Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to discreetly breastfeed in public.

Wear appropriate clothing.

Nursing tops are not only stylish but affordable and available at lots of discount retailers. These tops allow you to lift a flap that keeps the top of your breast covered while your baby feeds and may make you feel more comfortable in a busy location.

Bring along a blanket to drape over your baby.

Nursing covers can sometimes be bulky and draw attention to the fact that you are breastfeeding, but serve the same purpose. Be cognizant of temperatures. If you are nursing outside and it is warm, bring a light blanket so as not to overheat the baby. As a word of warning, as your baby gets older he may not like to be covered up! My son got to a point where he was more distracted by the blanket than he would have been without it, and called much more attention to what we were doing when he was covered.

Find a comfortable spot where you can sit.

Latch on your baby and then look up. Many people will think your baby is sleeping rather than feeding. If you are with someone, carry on a normal conversation. The more natural you look breastfeeding in public, the more natural observers will feel.

The likelihood of someone complaining about your screaming, hungry baby are higher than someone complaining about you nursing in public, but keep in mind that there are different viewpoints and remain as positive and confident in what you are doing as possible. Practicing in front of your spouse, a close friend or a mirror will help you get into a nursing in public groove without fear of accidental overexposure. Nursing in the car is always an option, too, if the weather permits.

The more nursing mothers breastfeed in public, the more comfortable our society will become. The La Leche League is an international organization that supports breastfeeding and breastfeeding moms. Going to a meeting and nursing is an excellent place to practice should you want to be surrounded by like-minded, pro-breastfeeding individuals for your first nursing in public attempt. They will likely be able to connect you with other breastfeeding moms in your area.

My advice is to practice discreet nursing when you’re in the comfort of your own home. I am confident that my hesitation to follow my own advice and proudly nurse my son in public was due to the comfort I had established with letting it all hang out when I was feeding at home with just my husband around. This is something I’ll definitely work to change when baby #2 comes along this summer! Stay tuned to hear more of my personal experiences with breastfeeding in later posts.

What experience have you had with anti-breastfeeding sentiments and nursing in public? What tips would you offer to mothers who are new to breastfeeding in public?