This continues our series, Mom’s Talk about Breastfeeding.
Many moms struggle with breastfeeding – it isn’t always as easy and natural as you’d hope. We know it helps sometimes to know that you’re not the only one, so hopefully these stories will be an encouragement to you.
Kristina’s Story
When my twins were born one month premature I was so focused on their healthy delivery that I wasn’t paying much attention to the factors involved in breast feeding. I had every intention of breast feeding (if I could!) and immediately set about round the clock pumping to contract milk flow. Doctors and nurses assured me that my milk would come in about a week after the twins’ birth and they were right. Sadly however, it just was never enough for two so I continued supplementing with formula.
About 3 or 4 weeks later I started to experience excruciating pain while breastfeeding and sought help through a number of channels and finally landed at a breast feeding clinic with expert physicians who actually specialized in the nurturing act of breastfeeding.
It was the BEST move I made.
In one appointment they had me entirely sorted out and on a program that while I stuck to it; which included supplements, breastfeeding aids and lots and lots of pumping, really worked. I felt I had the support and understanding that I needed and in my case that also included the reassurance that supplementing with formula was indeed OK and necessary in my case as I just wasn’t able to produce enough sustenance for two babies.
At home I found it was a little more difficult at times and mainly due to well meaning friends and relatives who wanted so much to be a part of the babies care. In order for me to breast feed it took a lot of time and effort and cooperation from others and sometimes their needs and desires to hold and feed a baby seemed to trump the whole breast feeding routine. It was hard because I was so grateful for their company and their help.
The routine was grueling and in my case quite painful for a while there so I am sure many were scratching their heads as to why I continued!
The reason why I continued was because someone very early on told me something that really resonated with me. She told me that even one eyedropper of breast milk was beneficial to my boys. It all mattered. And that is what kept me going until at five months my boys started sleeping through the night and unless I was willing to wake just for the sake of pumping; my supply was just not going to survive the long spells of not feeding.
So, I stopped at five months and I feel good about it now. I struggled with it then and was sad for two main reasons: one was that I was sorry I could not nourish the boys by my own body alone and the second was that as an older mom I knew it would be the first and last time I would breastfeed and that is bitter sweet as other moms know.
It was hard. It was painful, exhausting, discouraging, deflating, rewarding and ultimately beautiful to breast feed my boys for as little and as long as I did. It was all worth it and I am so glad I did it!
Chacoy’s Story
I was excited to finally get the opportunity to breastfeed my son. I had been pumping in a milking room with 5+ other women; once I was done, I labeled the milk and placed it in the freezer which was lined with other mothers’ breast milk. It’s not the image you have in your head while you fantasize about motherhood but it was what I had to do to make sure that my son was getting all of the nutrients that he needed to become a healthy baby.
My excitement quickly turned into sadness as my 2 pound baby wouldn’t latch on. I was absolutely heart broken and no matter how much the lactation specialist told me that it was normal for preemies; that he would eventually come around I could not shake the feeling that I had failed or that my son did not like me and may ultimately be rejecting me.
I didn’t want him to be on the feeding tube any longer but since he would not latch on, or even suck a nipple from a bottle, I had to pump and freeze, pump and freeze. He was finally able to get off of the feeding tube but by that time my milk had dried up as I was not producing enough milk to keep it coming in.
I finally felt like we were on the right path but could not get out from underneath the thumb of judgement. Whether I was breastfeeding or bottle feeding, I was judged. I got dirty looks when I would go in to feed him. I could hear the whispers from the other mother’s as they watched me take my little man from his incubator to try and breast feed. ‘He won’t latch on.’ ‘Can you believe she isn’t breastfeeding’?
I finally just had to stop listening and remember that everyone has a different experience, and an opinion but nobody understands until they are actually in the situation to realize what works best for one mother does not necessarily mean it works best for the other.
As mother’s we all want what’s best for our children and whether it is breastfeeding or bottle feeding we need to support each others’ decisions in what is best for them and for their babies because sometimes it’s not a choice.
Kelly’s Story
I was determined to be a breastfeeder for three reasons.
- First, because it sounded sweet and warm and cuddly. I wanted to be ‘that mom’.
- Second, because our budget was tight and buying formula was expensive.
- Third, because my husband was ‘green’ in a major way and breastfeeding means you don’t create a lot of ‘trash’ or need for recycling.
Nursing did not turn out to be all sweet and cuddly – at least not for me. As a big breasted woman, I usually had to use a side football hold – instead of cuddling him in my arms like other moms. It always felt awkward – but I did it. When he started projectile vomiting most of what he ate – I started to wonder if he were allergic to my milk! (Was that even possible? LOL!)
I’ll never forget the morning when I was changing my five week old baby’s diaper and found little orange crystals in the diaper. One call to my doctor and we were in the car headed to the hospital.
Turned out that the vomiting was a symptom of a serious problem – the muscle at the bottom of his little tummy was growing into itself, keeping the food from moving out of the stomach. This reached a point where he became so dehydrated that he peed crystals 
He had to have surgery to clip the muscle – and thank God that went without a hitch. After the surgery though, I had trouble pumping – I was never able to pull more than a half ounce for the nurses to take to my baby in recovery – so they had to give him formula. That started a downward spiral for me – by the time he came to me to nurse, he wasn’t hungry. It seemed like I dried up literally overnight.
I had planned to nurse him for a full year, so it was sad to realize it was over already. Still – I know that the five weeks we did nurse was wonderful for him.
How about you? Do you have a story to share?
Crystal’s response:
